Wednesday, 18 November 2009

A word politics demands we resurrect: 'tory-rory'

While researching the etymology of treacle (as you do) I went for the paper Shorter Oxford English Dictionary rather than the lazy Google search. The book lets you browse, and come across words sliding out of use like 'tory-rory'"

1. adverb: uproariously, boisterously
adjective: roaring, uproarious, roistering, boisterous
and, oh dear...
2. Ruffianly.

So when the Tories win the UK general election in May, expect some Tory tory-rory. But only of the first sort, please.

Elcidivist.

(n.) A Spanish repeat offender.

Monday, 16 November 2009

Gammon!

"Sharks are mostly gammon." Captain Jack Aubrey once advised his particular friend Stephen Maturin, when the two were sailing in shark-infested waters. By which he meant they were mostly bluster.

Gammon is one of those great words whose other uses are slipping into obscurity. Gammoning a bowsprit involves lashing it down to the ship's hull timbers so that it can stand the strains of the foremast rigging.

It's also criminal slang: to 'give gammon' is to cover for a pickpocket while he does his work. Gammon can be 'talk, chatter' and 'nonsense, humbug, deceit'. Yelled as a heckle it means 'rubbish! poppycock!'.

In the shorter OED it is bookended by Gammexane (a contraction of gamma-hexachloro-cyclohexane, the proprietary name for the pesticide Lindane*) and 'gammy', which (as well as meaning disabled through injury or pain) also means 'bad, not good or genuine'.

So I'm off to cook Chateau Swordplay's gammon**, and it had better not be gammy. Two adjacent words from the shorter OED in a sentence. There ought to be a game and a name for that (wordgammon?). The winter nights are long hereabouts.

* Which, I seem to remember has a literary allusion, too. A valve jams open in a Russian factory (didn't they all) and much of the Russian wheat crop fails as a result, so they decide to go to war on the west. I forget the book right now, but Frederick Forsyth springs to mind.

** Pic'd her with a 10 inch knife blade for scale, £3 from R. Lyth and Son family butchers of High Street, Hinderwell, N. Yorks. Hinderwell is on the A174 north of Whitby and if you're passing and don't get you and yours a slice of this stuff, well that's just gammon.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

How to/not to write a disaster movie...

Mark Kermode utterly disembowels 2012 on BBC Radio 5 Live.

Tremendous broadcasting fun about the 50% CGI film that has (among other things) a tidal wave breaking on Everest.

Trash. But it got made.

Friday, 13 November 2009

Not words you see above every pub door...

But the Cod and Lobster in Staithes is pretty close to the sea...

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Trudgedy

(n.) a very pedestrian tradgedy.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Hoptimist

(n.) a cheerful one legged man.

Monday, 2 November 2009

52 532 words


The not(yet)agent wanted around 50,000 from a starting count of 31,300.

Some of it just came from rewriting and augmenting the existing text, but two new action episodes had to be written in, two new characters introduced and all the consequential changes had to be made up and downstream of the alterations.

Rewriting is a big headache and it's easy to get dispirited. I had thought of publishing under a pen name, but now the end of the rewrite looms I think damn that. If the not(yet)agent likes this and agrees to represent it, and if she can sell it to some publishing house this is going out under my own name.

Whitby: Britain's spookiest town? The Guardian asks

here. Sam Leith makes a good case, although I don't think the Abbey is either Gothic or doleful. Norman and magnificent more like, and I hope Henry VIII is getting his ulcerous arse kicked around all the fiery corners of hell for ordering its dissolution and subsequent destruction.It is atmospheric, especially on the east side where many of the buildings are hundreds of years old and have largely escaped the modernizing ravages of planners. Your glasses don't have to be too dirty for you to be transported to an older world.Whitby's atmosphere is not made by the imagined Dracula and those who trail on his cape-tails (he came, he bit, he left) but by the real, permanent and every-present sea. You can't imagine Dracula coming to, say, Luton. A far scarier place in my experience, but not one where a storm tossed schooner can land a vampiric cargo. And that landing was crucial to the essential horror of the tale: the alien arrives and his horror is foreshadowed in the note tied to the dead Captain's body. Whitby's scenery and architecture provides a fantastic backdrop to his early depradations.

But this is all because of Whitby's position and history as a port and the true (and unexplored) majesty of the place is the sea. The North Sea as far as you can see from the clifftop where Dracula bit his necks has killed more than any vampire in fiction and has culturally given the world more than even Bram Stoker's legacy has managed.

The Abbey dominates the town because the Anglo Saxon Christians liked their headland situations for their churches. Godliness must be more profound when your face is being wuthered off in a northerly gale. The town's old buildings remain and are charming only because of its coastal isolation and the conservatism of geographically isolated, seafaring population. Its magnificence and the occasional brooding air about the place exist only because it sits between land and sea. The atmosphere surely comes from the impermanence and violence implicit in living by the sea. This is where whole villages vanish beneath the waves overnight, where gravestone have no bodies beneath them because the man's life was lost at sea and his body never recovered.At the cliff edge and at the ever-shifting place where the sea creeps up the strand or crashes on the jurassic beaches, everything changes for we humans.You can't go there without special people called sailors and things made by human ingenuity called boats. And where you go is utterly implacable and will wipe the life from your body in a few horrifying moments if you are incautious or unlucky. Drowning is not like the 'falling about in a green field' of fable. The cliff edge or the breakes on the beach is where our writ ends and that of an uncaring nature begins and man who fancies himself master of his domain is very much at its mercy. Our coastal towns and villages were populated by men and women whose lives and deaths centred around the sea and in the case of Whitby the many churches and old building gathered so close to the harbour are what gives the place the air that inspired Stoker.

There is much more to this place than Stoker's creation and it is a shocking lack of imagination to visit the place and see this (a stone coffin in the Abbey grounds)......but not be inspired by this...or, in more benign mood, this (Whitby's west beach with Sandsend in the background)...The sea is why we are Bede's 'gens Anglorum'. It made Britain what it is, it gave Whitby its complex and wonderful history and a sense today that pasts real and imagined are close and accessible. It made Dracula and it should make many more voyages of literary fantasy possible.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

We abhor critics...

since slagging off another's creative work (especially if that is all you damn well do) is a cheap way to earn a living.

Howsome're I suppose we do need some guidance through the millions of books published each year, so here is Publishing Weekly's list of the top ten books of 2009. A couple of them would be welcome on the shelves here: certainly The Age of Wonder: How the Romantic Generation Discovered the Beauty and Terror of Science (Richard Holmes. Pantheon, $40 (552p) ISBN 0375422226) and A Fiery Peace in a Cold War: Bernard Schriever and the Ultimate Weapon (Neil Sheehan. Random, $32 (560p) ISBN 0679422846).

I might also have a stab at Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi (Geoff Dyer. Pantheon, $24 (296p) ISBN 030737737). Geoff Dyer appeared on the Litopia Podcast a few months ago (listen here) and seemed a thoroughly nice chap. Without having read it, I have decided his book will get up my nose (he was a perfectly lovely chap, too) so I had better at least give the thing a read in the hope of being suprised.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Words in a field.

Lots of pottery in the fields hereabouts, here are the finds that charmed us on today's clifftop ramble. It's very rare to find words on china. A longer post about the whole remarkable walk is in the works.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Triboelectrification (wth?).

Waiting for NASA to send its new Ares 1 rocket up (currently on hold: strong winds and clouds according to the launch blog) I discovered a new word.

Triboelectrification. I wondered if it was something Glendon Mellow of Flying Trilobite fame* had dreamed up jacked into the mains, but no. It's whan happens when a gazillion dollar rocket goes through some high clouds which ballses everything up. The official NASA griff on this phenomenon is here.

*And congrats to him for being listed as a Google blogger of note.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Susan Hill blogging feistily at the Spectator.

I keep an eye on The Spectator to see what the enemy are doing and (whisper it do) it's well written. The Coffee House is must-read analysis to those of us who once suffered from politics and can't quite get it out their veins whereas if my washing machine foamed as much as blogger and commentator Melanie Phillips I'd take it down the tip toot sweet.

But good to see author Susan Hill on the Spectator blogging team. She has made a feisty start (including giving The Archers the kind of solid booting round the apple trees those of us who actually live in a country village know it needs) by having a look at celebrity publishing. Why do publisher publish that dross rather than our no doubt superior efforts? Simple. To balance the books. She blogs some salutary stuff:
My own small publishing company has had a couple of books which have sold between 50,000 and 95,000 copies. They have enabled me to take risks on quite a few new authors, to publish books on which I may, if I am lucky, break even but which I know are good books and worthy of being out there looking for readers.

I will blog another time on exactly how much it costs to publish a book properly, what the breakdown is on one costing, say, £10 retail, how long it is before the publisher, who takes all the initial risk, may begin to make some of their investment back. But the stark fact is that in the last few years it has become very common for good novels to sell under 100 copies. Some sell under 50 copies and this is books from the major firms, not self- or vanity -published. If you hit 1,000 these days, as a novelist outside the top list, you are doing well and at 1,000 one may break even. No publisher can make anything but a loss on a book which sells a hundred or two.
One to bookmark.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Spare a thought for Peter Cox

the evil genius* behind writers' colony Litopia. The whole thing is in a state of redesign, with all our (I and the hundreds of other members) accumulated blitherings being web-barrowed from the old software and layout to something newer and betterer.

He was hoping it would be done by Sunday, but as of now we still have the 'hold your horses' page and I suspect some rending of garments and clawing at beards might be going on at Cox command.

Mr Cox, a busy enough literary agent in his own right, does it all for nothing (with the support of a bunch of voluntary moderators who do an ace job at keeping us in order), allowing us a place to talk about ourselves, our writing, our struggles to get published, to avail ourselves of his advice and that of Litopia's resident Yodic editor Priceless1, to put our WsIP for other members to kick around and generally to feel we're not alone in writing and trying to land a book deal. It's a good place (I got my request for a full MS from an agent only after absorbing Litopian advice) and if you are an aspiring writer you should get over there an join as soon as the site is back up. It could save you a lot of duff writing, avoidable mistakes and rejection heartache. Yes, I'm talking to you Richard and you, that Oxford biochemistry undergraduate who really, really wants to write but is Agonizing Alone Misunderstood In His Rooms In College Too Tired To Write and whose name I have forgotten.

* He's not evil, although he would look good in a hollowed out mountain. 'evil' and 'genius' just seem to go well together.

Flogging a dead vampire.

Someone called Stoker (presumably a relative) has written a sequel to Dracula.

I remember our heroes did for Dracula rather comprehensively at the end...
"saw the Count lying within the box upon the earth, some of which the rude falling from the cart had scattered over him. He was deathly pale, just like a waxen image, and the red eyes glared with the horrible vindictive look which I knew so well.

As I looked, the eyes saw the sinking sun, and the look of hate in them turned to triumph.

But, on the instant, came the sweep and flash of Jonathan's great knife. I shrieked as I saw it shear through the throat. Whilst at the same moment Mr. Morris's bowie knife plunged into the heart.

It was like a miracle, but before our very eyes, and almost in the drawing of a breath, the whole body crumbled into dust and passed from our sight."

Yup, that sounds like one stiff vampire to me. Or did he become a 'just add water' vampire?

"Are your family finances shot? No imagination to think a story up for yourself? Eyeing the success of Twilight with the green eyed monster on your back? Just add water to the dust of your relative's legendary creation and..."

Blah blah yuck yuck.

H/t Donna @ The Write Report.